The patterns that live within
Yes, you can use frameworks for reflection, too
This newsletter uses the STEEP framework to cover social, technological, ecological, economic, and political issues in an effort to provide a holistic view of the forces & patterns shaping our current reality.
December is an introspective time for me. While I loooove to analyze the meta forces at play in our society, the truth is that my (our) internal patterns are what shape my (our) current reality more saliently in the day-to-day. This newsletter is focused solely on how we relate to ourselves, which ultimately influences how we relate to one another.
Here is my little treasure trove of tools / reminders that I’ve been collecting for the last few years. I look at the reminders often and use the framework at the end of the year to ask myself questions about where I’ve been and where I want to go. I hope it’s just as useful for you as it is for me.
Reminder #1: Ultimately, we are our own masters.
I come back to this passage whenever I need a reminder about my own agency. I also read this whenever I’m being overly critical of myself or others.
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
Attributed to both Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe and Haim G. Ginott
I’ve been reading this little ditty for a couple years now, and this year, I came across some additional related medicine in the form of a book: The Choice by psychologist and Holocaust survivor Dr. Edith Eger.
Dr. Eger’s book is all about overcoming victim mentality (her point is: if a Holocaust survivor can do it, so can you). We have immense power within ourselves. The thing is, most times, it’s easier to pretend that we don’t. She lays it down:
“Most of us want a dictator - albeit a benevolent one - so we can pass the buck, so we can say, ‘You made me do that. It’s not my fault.’ But we can’t spend our lives hanging out under someone else’s umbrella and then complain that we’re getting wet. A good definition of being a victim is when you keep the focus outside yourself, when you look outside yourself for someone to blame for your present circumstances, or to determine your purpose, fate, or worth.”
I put the book down when I read this. Like, really?!!! Damn, Dr. Eger. This hurts so good. Where are you creating your own ceilings?
Another fun, sassy little reminder from Dr. Eger that I will hold dear, along those same lines:
“Bad things, I’m afraid, happen to everyone. This we can’t change. If you look at your birth certificate, does it say life will be easy?”
I’ve highlighted (and typed up) s0o0o0o0o many lines from her memoir — if you’re interested in my highlights, let me know and I’ll send them over to you. (Yes, I’m a martyr and still read physical books and then type up the poignant sections with my own little fingers).
Tool #1: A system to prioritize your time.
I’ve been using a system called “8,760 Hours” to get more honest with myself about what I want (lol) and keep myself accountable. It helps me reflect on the year past and dream for the year coming. The guy who put this system together, Alex Veneer, points out that you only have 8,760 hours in a year and if you are to actually do the things you say that want to do, you need to allocate those hours appropriately.
I like this framework because he breaks down areas to reflect on that I find to be pretty holistic. They are:
Values and purpose
Contribution and impact
Location and tangibles
Money and finances
Career and work
Health and fitness
Education and skill development
Social life and relationships
Emotions and wellbeing
Having answered the questions in each of these sections for a few years now, it’s illuminating to see my own patterns. I’ve also started paying attention to certain areas of my life more after realizing that I wasn’t satisfied (i.e. when I was focusing too much on career and work but not thinking critically enough about money and finances).
Reminder #2: Questions are a fine start. Simply asking questions is movement enough.
I come back to this piece of advice that Rainer Maria Rilke gave to his protégé in Letters to a Young Poet (written in 1903!) whenever I feel impatient:
“I beg of you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves,
as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
I used to get frustrated because I didn’t have the answers that I was looking for. I’ve learned that asking questions is a way of showing up and being present — at least you are aware enough to ask. You’re not sleepwalking through life, and that counts.
I now trust that the more I show up and ask questions, the closer I get to some sort of truth.
I’m currently reading The Book of Beautiful Questions by Warren Berger and it’s giving me some good perspective. I especially like the Hamming questions, which are:
What’s the most important problem in your field right now?
What are you working on?
Often, most people aren’t actually working on what’s most important. I’ve started saying the word “priority” a lot more this year and it’s changed where I put my time and energy.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ve enjoyed using this space to ask questions and share my findings with you. I’ll be back in 2021.
In the meantime, here is a playlist of songs that get me thinking.
Vibe: Friday night, your body is horizontal, your mood lighting is in full swing. Your phone is far, far away.
Ta-ta 👾